Adulting

Adulting

As kids we always hoped to grow older soon and become an adult so that we could have our own money, go out whenever we want to, most importantly we wanted to get rid of our heavy loads of bags we carry to school each day. Looking back now as the adult I once wanted to be, I wish nothing more than to go back to being a kid where you were excited for your birthday, the happiness you feel when you get to wear color dress for that day, and stand out from everyone else, the joy of being the center of attention, the way you struggle between choosing which friend to tag along with you to distribute chocolates around the school, to the time where no one would scold you because it’s your birthday, to coming back home to your family waiting for you with your birthday cakes, to phone calls from your cousins, long-distance friends.

As an adult I once yearned to become, I miss being the kid who used to get excited over little things, miss being the kid who lived in the present, miss being the kid who felt pure joy, miss being the kid whose friends were truly and purely their friend, miss being the kid whose only worry was not trimming your nails and getting caught by the P. T teacher, miss being the kid who gave all their love and was returned with the same love.

Adulting has its pros, yes. As an adult I have the freedom to choose what I want to do, where I want to go, with whom I want to go but, as a kid, even with all the restrictions, I was at least happy, my heart was safe, I was safe. Adulting wasn’t the way I romanticized it to be. Nothing is, neither adulting nor life is the way one romanticizes them to be when they were kid because if it was, where is the fun in that? Would you read a book if you knew how it was going to end? I know I wouldn’t. 

As I turn 22 today, I wish nothing but to be the adult, who would be her kid-self, who would live in the present and cherish every little things of my life, who will do everything to feel the pure joy again, who will give all my love to those I feel comfortable and safe with without expecting them to reciprocate it because that’s what I did when I was kid. 

Adulting can be fun, just hold on to your kid-self. Remember to cherish the little things, love yourself and the people who stayed along with you through everything. Get that cake yourself, blow out your candles and make a wish. Reciprocate the love your mom gave you that she did without expecting you to return. 

This is the part of my life where I learn, I fall, I stand up and move forward. I will be pushed into the real world from which I have been protected for so long. This is the part of my life where I’m going to hold on to my kid-self despite the turmoil the real world puts me through. 

Adulting cannot and should not be romanticized, it has to be lived! 

So my promise to my adult-self is that I’ll live through it, not romanticize it. Cherish it not expect things. I’ll heal, grow and become a better version of myself.